Photo of Beale AFB antennas by casch52
As with most Mercury Retrogrades, people from my past are coming out of the woodwork, but the most amazing thing was not the phone call I received late today but in what happened before. I’m left with an odd feeling of intense interest, annoyance, and a little bit of self-superiority as if I’ve been competitively tweaked. But what intrigues me most is something that he missed entirely in our conversation…but I didn’t.
So the strange part first and then the stranger part:
The strange part is that I’ve not talked to this man in quite a few years. He has been on his own spiritual journal for the past year, dealing with the rise of his kundalini and the inherent difficulty in handling thatwithout and later with help. This tremendous awakening–one that has some qualities of what some of us call “ascension” and most definitely the qualities of what I’ve felt in connecting with Deity–has had a profound effect on him. This is all fascinating to me because I do love to hear individual experiences to compare notes. He’s tried to analyze this experience scientifically and has come up with what he sees as the secret of the Universe (my words) so that all experiences of this type can be explained scientifically. He and I have that in common, that we like to show the science of magick, though he still has his scientist’s sense of superiority that says his way of explaining the unknown is the only way.
I’ve been told it’s a true gift that I can see the connectedness in things that don’t seem connected and understand that it’s all the same thing but just different terminology and different way of experiencing the same energies. That gift of seeing this, though, can also give me a backlash of annoyance when someone else insists their way of experiencing such a profound experience is the only way. I don’t believe that any one person’s personal gnosis is superior to my own experiences, but many new converts to any kind of spiritual awakening do. He’s learned to manifest and is still in awe, but also at that dangerous point of feeling like he’s a god and can wield his new power however he wants without realizing the consequences yet. Given all my work in this area over the past couple of years, I found it chafing and amusing at the same time that he would present this information in such a way, but he may simply have meant it as being thrilled with this new skill and I may have been putting old attachments on his presentation, ones where conversations tended to be all about him and what benefitted him and my increasing weariness with his self-absorption. He also bumbled into a few personal areas that still sting–oblivious to them–and that colored my reception of the conversation as well.
So our conversation was quite fascinating in that Life, Death, and the Universe way I like so much, yet he didn’t understand that since we’d last talked, I’ve experienced everything he had to tell me and more. He hasn’t read enough of my blog or my books to know this, though, and some of his enthusiasm sounded arrogant mixed with heartfelt. No matter how many times I told him I’ve had these experiences and I handle them differently so that I can actually function on a daily basis, he was still the new expert on the Truth, even to the point of telling me how to instruct my daughters. I kept thinking how much Shannon–and especially Brian–could teach him. There seemed to be a competitive edge to our conversation, with him often talking over me so that I could not be heard, but then, he’s from my past, from those circles in my past where I was so often not heard and let myself be dominated. I didn’t care for it so much this time or the way it reminded me of those days when I was unheard and there’s still a big part of me that this man hasn’t heard, regardless of how many times I’ve said it. I don’t lose sleep over it.
But the even stranger thing was that I knew he was going to call VERY SOON. Not necessarily that he was going to call me today, but it was not a surprise at all when I picked up the phone. I was more wary than surprised. All these years, and I knew he was going to call me within the next six weeks. I’ve known that it was manifesting and I wasn’t really looking forward to it, figuring that if he was calling, it would be something to benefit him…not me. I have been feeling him thinking of me off and on over the past three years, but moreso in the past year since his kundalini rise. This has been growing stronger in the past few months. I know there’s been a residual energy connection with him that has never been broken but he’s broadcasting on a much higher frequency now and I’ve been receiving that, like it or not. He didn’t catch that in our conversation even when I pointed it out. I wish he had. If he could actually hear the people around him, there could be so much more.
This kind of knowledge he gave me today is important to me in my own understanding of energetic connections. He himself admitted I’d been on his mind during the time I’d felt him thinking of me. I felt him yesterday, very strongly. This morning, I dreamed of him, for the first time in many years. When I woke, I thought it was odd that we’d had such a long talk in my dream and I’d been okay with him contacting me. I’d expected more to tell him to go to hell, but in my dream, I realized that there would be something to be gained from this reconnection. He called within 12 hours of my waking.
I asked, after he told how I’d been on his mind, if he’d dreamed of me last night and he’d said no. He’d found my number after Googling me and he considered running a Google search to be the connection I referred to instead of the connection in the Ether I’d experienced as a dream. He didn’t get it. He just didn’t get it.
I guess I’m disappointed when I completely understand someone else’s theory but they either disregard or just don’t quite make the connection with mine, pardon the pun. But I’m thankful for so very much that this conversation showed me today, and on more levels than I can publicly describe.
c Lorna Tedder
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