And This Is What I Want

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Crimes to the Third Degree.

Last night, I realized exactly what I want. I’ve been told to say the words, to express the vision, to make my wish list. Yes, I know what I want and how I want it to be.

It was both the good and the bad that made me know without a doubt what I want. I sat with my eldest on my mom’s back porch, with my parents inside and all the negativity of the day locked inside the house, too. I sat wrapped in a blanket and on a rocker that belonged to my grandparents, and rocked and watched the full moonlight over the farm and talked with my daughter at midnight and watched the distant lightning closing in from the North and listened to the sound of birds calling from the nearby woods, and thinking this was paradise out here, so tranquil, so beautiful, missing only the love of a good man and a song of the future.

And this is what I want….

I see a place in the future where I can enjoy my gardens with my children and maybe one day with my grandchildren.

I see a partnership with a man who loves me for who I am, who loves me as I am, and he has a fulfilling career that keeps him busy and purposeful and happy, and with hobbies and projects to share with me.

I see my own career, something different from now but creative and joyful and purposeful, maybe working with words and definitely working with Spirit and hope and healing, and with projects and hobbies enough to share with the man I love.

And I see excitement to see each other, excitement to know the other is coming home and all else can wait until we’ve had our say with each other and seen the love of the life we’ve built together.

I see friends in our home, a family of the heart, coming together for conversation and food and spirituality and music and philosophy.

I see a home filled with love and peace and joy and trust, filled with nurturing and adventure and a true partnership.

And I see many moonlit nights, wrapped in blankets beside a fire in the midst of spring on our back yard patio, sharing a couple of glasses of wine and sitting close and listening to the nightbirds.

This is the dream I want to come true.