Uneasily Peaceful

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.

I’m so used to being driven. I rarely feel really peaceful because I have so much to do and so much more that I want to do.

Normally on the way home from work, I’m winding down from  the job and winding  up for a powerhouse evening of all the things I must get done before I completely crash at 2 AM, knowing I’ll have to be up in just a few hours.

I know it’s related to this recent “shift” I’ve felt, but on the way home today, I had such a feeling of peacefulness that I was uneasy. It was an odd sense of not being rushed for  once,  even  though  I  really  did have  plenty waiting on me. But just a sense that all was well,  and I didn’t  have  to  rush  tonight.  And  the  oddest  intuition that…I have some leisure coming up.

In a way, it reminded me of the times when I used to have spiritual/social gatherings in my house every Sunday night. About 3 PM, I’d put on a huge pot of turkey spaghetti, break out a few bottles of wine, set out but not yet light the tea candles all over the family room,  and  do a quick pickup around the house in preparation for company coming. The buzz of excitement would start around 2:30 to  3:30  PM—a  luscious  sense  of  anticipation  for having friends come over and talk about all sorts of spiritual issues as well as sharing family matters, job concerns, and new ideas.

How       I experienced                     my ride home today and the first hour home was most like those experiences of late Sunday afternoon  prep  for  good  times  and  friends  to come.

Maybe it’s related to the upcoming Labor Day weekend.

Except that I’ve made absolutely no plans to do any-

thing with anyone, except for a movie with the girls. I didn’t decide  not  to have plans—I was simply too busy with work to notice that the long weekend was sneaking up on me.

And I’ll definitely  fill my time productively—I  have some spikes  to axe out of the wall and one last patio walkway  to  finish,  for example—but  the intuition  feels more like I might actually go do something social and fun for a change. Not sure what.

I guess what’s throwing me is a sense that some pressure is  gone.  It’s  like  a  decision’s  been  made.  I  don’t know what it is yet, but it’s all okay.

Shannon sensed it, too, and we talked about it on a quick walk before the thunder ran us back inside and how very unusual it feels to have this sense of oppression and pressure lifted.

“It feels like this is how things will feel when we get to where we’re going,” she told me. I knew exactly what she meant. The  sensation that it was a preview of what life is going to be like in the not-too-distant future.

We walked back to the house and I wasn’t at all sure what to  do  with  this  strange  sense  of  coming  leisure. Then I looked at my bed, at the clock beside it that rarely registers more than 4.5 hours of sleep…and I went to bed at seven hours earlier than usual.