One last look back at my Solar Return Eighth House Sun, the third in my life. Last look, I promise. I’ve turned it over in my head enough times and now I’m ready to move on. I’m not sure if everyone else is tired of hearing about it, but I’m tired of thinking about it, but as usual, when I’m done processing it, I’m done. Kaput. Even if new info arrives, it will all be through the lens of the new and improved me.
As I’ve said before,the Solar Return Sun in the Eighth House can be terrifying. No one wants their focus for the year to be about death, even though the Solar Return in the Eighth represents so much more. Secrets tend to not be a good thing, because this solar year will certainly bring them out. I’m not really worried about secrets of my own, but it was other people’s secrets that hurt me.
I’m two months outside my 12-month window now, so the last of its influence is fading and it should be a distant image in my rear view mirror within the month. This last year was all about secrets coming out–not so much mine as secrets that robbed me of a more peaceful life, especially in my early years.
It’s been a time of change and tremendous personal upheaval that only my closest friends and those readers I’ve allowed to see would have known about. Whereas a previous Eighth House Solar Return was about physical regeneration, this one was about internal and psychological regeneration. It was about the death of an old way of life, an old way of thinking.
And it hurt. Gods, almost the whole year hurt.
But that’s what was necessary to break me out of a path that wasn’t serving me well. It wasn’t enough for me to serve others, but I needed to learn to serve myself.
I started the solar year with the plan to share with readers, month by month. Until the first wave hit. I wasn’t able to keep my readers informed because I just couldn’t consistently write about the experience. Too painful. Now, in hindsight, I can sum it up by saying that at my most inner core is where the work was done. That was the destruction, the secrets, the regeneration.
In a nutshell, this year tore apart the secrets in an important romantic relationship and revealed my father’s secrets. The former dragged on for much of the year before the truth was finally revealed to be dealt with. That created a chain of events that exposed Daddy’s mental illness and how it has affected my life choices in regard to romantic (and often platonic) partners. This was more than a veil being lifted–more like a curtain from ground to sky being rent in twain in the midst of apocalypse.
I think I’ve assimilated all of it now. I’m not grieving any of it any longer as I leave the Solar Return year. I’ve healed it all remarkably quickly. I’d thought these things would linger but it’s only shadows now to fight. It was the death of a way of life that wasn’t getting me what I want nor what I need.
I feel good. I feel lighter. I feel ready to move forward, even though I know my friends must think I seem to remember and shudder and get trapped in those moments from time to time. It’s less every day. Life has become more peaceful, more joyous. I’ve moved into a Fifth House Solar Return year, and it’s so far…delightful to me.
That’s not to say that my life was crap for the year. To the contrary. Most other areas were good to great, particularly paying off a huge chunk of debt, feeling good physically, and soaring in my work life. My focus, though, was on Eighth House issues–secrets, death, sex (not necessarily mine!), and regeneration–all the heavy stuff.
The Fifth House Solar Return issues are pleasantly different, and I’m looking forward to this year.
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