When the Law of Attaction doesn’t bring you what you desire in a relationship, it may be bringing you the next most convenient form of it.
Want to know a trick for figuring out if a relationship is over? Uh, no, it’s not always that easy to know. Especially if they’re telling you one thing and your gut is telling you another and you just need confirmation because you know something’s wrong but can’t put your finger on it.
The issue, at least in my personal life, was always that the guy wanted to keep his options open in case whatever new shiny thing who caught his eye didn’t work out, and he went out of his way to make sure he kept me around. I really hated that because I felt something was off-kilter but couldn’t obtain evidence, so I wondered if I was going crazy while being gas-lit that all was just fine and I was imagining it or, worse, I was paranoid.
I wasn’t imagining it and I wasn’t paranoid, but I didn’t have enough data points when I was younger to see the pattern.
Law of Attraction gives me that pattern.
Here’s how it works:
With each relationship, there are unique things I associate with that person. Whereas that person doesn’t show up in my life in a desired way, those unique things do. It’s almost as if he’s not present but this other thing I associate with him arrives with lots of hoopla.
Two examples from my own life:
The Twin Possession.
The guy was cheating. With multiple women. He was able to keep it from me for at least a year by making sure I didn’t see him with those women even though they lived in my neighborhood. He had a very distinctive car with unusual markings. For a baseline, think “fire engine red Porshe with a stripe of yellow flame on the side.” I would easily have seen that car on the way to the grocery store, except he would make the rounds to visit the women in his life. He’d call me and ask if I’d be home at a certain time, and he’d come over after he ran an errand or had an appointment. He’d make double-sure and call me from an errand to say he’d be there shortly. What I didn’t know was that he was calling from another woman’s drive-way before stopping to visit her and making sure that I’d be at home instead of driving past and spotting his vehicle where it shouldn’t have been.
But I didn’t know that yet. He’d call and I’d happily imagine that in the next hour or so, as soon as he was done with his errand, he’d be pulling up to see me or to pick me up for a date. That’s the power of visualization for you! I was still visualizing him pulling up at my house in his car, even when he started asking me to meet him someplace out of the neighborhood to leave for dinner together or cancelling at the last minute and never showing up. He was on thin ice with me already, so he doubled-down on cementing our relationship and even started suggesting moving in with me.
One day, I walked out to my mailbox and saw his car pulling up. Only, it stopped at my next door neighbor’s house. And it wasn’t his very distinctive car. In fact, I couldn’t tell them apart without peeking through the passenger window and seeing the driver wasn’t him!
The twin car was my new neighbor’s. Every day, I saw that car park in front of my house, and I never saw my boyfriend’s car park there again. But I knew in my gut when “his” car drove up to my house that first day that he wouldn’t be back and certainly wouldn’t be moving in, even if he hadn’t been caught cheating yet. I was visualizing something unique about him and it was coming to me in another way because it wasn’t available through him and—thankfully, in the long run—never would be again. As soon as he was out of my life forever, I was off the emotional rollercoaster he’d created to keep me close, and my life turned far more peaceful.
The Twin Career
This second example is something I noticed with two separate pairs of relationships—an unusual career or a career with a very specific specialty.
In the first case, I’d met someone I’d started dating who had a somewhat unusual career with a very specific specialty. I had come to think of myself as “dating a ———.” Not that his career was the draw, but it was something unique about him. For a baseline, think “pediatric neurosurgeon” or something else that usual and specific.
He disappeared from my life suddenly, without saying goodbye. And yes, we’ve talked about it since, and I know now that he was in trouble that had nothing to do with me, that he’s since gotten help for those problems, and his leaving was a godsend in the long run because his problems would have ruined me financially if we’d partnered up because I would’ve been supportive in every way I could without either of us knowing then what his issues were.
But around the time he fled, a new man came into my life. Not something I initiated, either. Not someone who knew the last guy or knew me. BUT he had the exact same career specialty. Even worked within a mile of him and knew all the same people though not each other. As did the NEXT guy, another man in that specialty who didn’t know the other two, lived 15 miles away, had just moved to the area for a temporary stint, and who initiated the relationship with me through an online church-related forum. The second man and I dated for several months before we split over an issue with our kids and the third man’s work took him out of state and I didn’t choose to follow him. So many similarities in what I was attracting, but all three were very short relationships at a point in my life where I was fresh out of a very long relationship and was trying on what I wanted in a partnership.
Later in my life, I met someone with a very unusual profession. I’d personally known only one person in that profession in my entire life before then. But that’s how I thought of him—as “The ————-.” Not the only way I thought of him, but it was something unique that stood out to me. For a baseline, think “the astronaut.”
After several years of living in the same town and living long-distance and then multiple moves dictated by our careers, we seldom saw one another and gradually stopped talking, even though he kept promising to see me soon, when his work allowed it. I knew that multi-year relationship was over when a friend from decades ago introduced me to someone with that very unusual profession who instantly invited me to dinner and whom I dated for the next year. The only things the two men had in common was that very unusual career field—and the one lived a few miles from the other, but still hundreds of miles away. This time, after understanding how these patterns of manifestation work when they’re NOT working, choosing the next best way to come to me, I recognized it immediately. I have no desire to move or change my dreams right now, so we parted ways but are still good friends and I still think of him fondly.
I do think part of this repetition of some unique quality but with an new potential partner has a lot to do with the Law of Attraction finding the next opportunity to manifest someone with that quality, but it’s also about closure.
I still occasionally see cars like that unique one from long ago, or meet men who are pediatric neurosurgeons or astronauts, but I’ve graduated from those relationships—both the short ones and the much longer ones—and I’m not actively visualizing those coming back into my life in any form. I’m happy with how things are in my life right now and don’t wish for any of those unique qualities to come back to me, in any form at all. But if ever I’m in that situation again, I know what to look for and how to move on early without wasting any concern.
At the moment of epiphany, I wasn’t too pleased with the tool, but now that I understand how to use it, I don’t waste my time or heart in those places.
Law of Attraction-themed thriller! Both Lilah and Charlie try to use the Law of Attraction to get what they want but manifest their fears instead.
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